yikes, Comparison (and other things)

During 2021, if there's one thing which has helped me keep sane, it is writing. I write a lot in general. No, I am not trying to "brag". I am trying to convey a whole situation here. In retrospect, my writings are not that awesome. I have a blog because Saniya in 2017 thought it would be an fantastic idea to put out her poetry somewhere. She named it "Poesia Pallete" (if you were wondering: Poesia is Italian for poetry). But after a year or so, majority of my blog posts were shifting from poems about nature to write-ups about a dramatic teenager. Hence, the name "My Thought Traffic".

I try to put my best foot forward in writing, which is also the reason why I have a ton of drafts (thirty to be exact. Those are on my laptop, the physical writing pieces are flooding in my shelves). But, they are not wrong when they say there will always be people who are better than you. In my case, they are not necessarily better. They just write about things that matter. Actually, they write about things I think matter. My friends also have blogs. It's not that I am CoMpARiNg myself. But truly, that's exactly what I am doing. Let me just compare this blog to other blogs of people who have a totally different head and DNA than I do. Other blogs, well, write about things that matter. Here rises a question: do I write about things that don't matter? Let's see what I write about: heartbreak love poems (which is result of listening to my sad Spotify playlist for too long), a lot of formal journal entries but in a thoughtful manner, sad poems, write-ups on cute and sad prompts which make you question your existence, my stupid thoughts. Was that it? It indeed was. My Thought Traffic has its name for a reason. The reason is because here I write about my thoughts. Other blogs, don't necessarily stick to the same. I hope the blog owners are not reading this (I have a feeling they are) but let me take a RiSk: they write about the government, how chemistry is a subject that shouldn't be taught in schools, productive things they did during the lockdown, their experiences in life which help other people, their birthdays and their feelings on that day, and just stuff that matter you know. Their blogs are not the reason I am picking myself apart. In no way, I think that I am inferior or superior than them. Sometimes you just pick yourself apart because YOU think you are not worthy of all the comments and the views you're getting. You're not worthy of having whatever you have today. You're not worthy of all the privileges. Their blog post was an excuse and a tool for me to scrutinize myself. I know, that is wrong. Oh what? I should read all those Pinterest quotes which say, "You are worthy of what you have," and "You've worked so hard to get this far". A bad idea. I don't usually compare myself to people. I don't know what happened today. Ugh, I hope this doesn't make the rest of the week suck. I don't know if this requires a conclusion? I have just been in my head for too way long. But that doesn't give me a reason to examine myself like a pessimist. Actually, when they say "Be Positive" or "Good Vibes Only" what they actually mean is that only positivity should exist, which in fact has a term for itself: Toxic Positivity. But let's just leave that for another blog post.

That's on comparison. (yes, that was it, because I don't compare myself usually and this post is starting to look like a self-depreciation post (It was not one, please).

SEE YOU SOON!